This is a story that I have retold multiple times since it took place a few weeks ago. I felt the need to memorialize the proof of how living the positive life influences those around you.
It was the usual hectic week day morning. My youngest and I were embroiled in our usual morning battle of getting him out of bed and ready for school in a timely fashion. I was allowing the argument and frustration to get the better of me as well. While screaming at him yet again to hurry up and finish getting ready, a conversation that I had recently had with a new found good friend of mine came unbidden into my mind. We had been talking about how positive attitudes are contagious, how as good citizens we need to help those around us, be involved in our community and make this a better place for our children and grandchildren. I thought of what I do for work and how I influence my employees and endeavor to create a workplace that is positive and a place that has high morale. How I preach the importance of mental health as well as the physical. All these things rushed to mind in a matter of seconds and I thought, "Why is it hard for me to have this positive attitude at home sometimes, this is where it matters most - with my own children." Now, please don't get me wrong, I am not always screaming at my children and I talk positive frequently, but I don't always stop and think about being positive in these fights with my children and deal with them appropriately.
So, as I got into the car with my youngest son I took a deep breath and looked at him as we pulled out of the drive and asked, "So, what has gotten you so worked up this morning that you decided to take your time getting ready and respond to me so negatively?" And of course, being an 11 year old boy he laid the blame upon me and his older brother. He said that just because I overslept that I didn't need to holler at him about how late we were and then that his older brother had done this or that. Now, mind you I had to stop and take a deep calming breath at this disrespectful comment. I then replied to my sweet angel of a son and asked him, how me oversleeping accounted for him not getting out of bed when told to? That why did he feel he could lay there for 20 more minutes causing me to holler? I then took another breath and said , "Look hon, I could have handled the situation better, yes, but you need to realize something here and now. You cannot control how your brother, me your dad, your teacher or any other people talk to you or treat you, the only thing you can control Nicholas, is yourself. You control your attitude, you control how you treat people and how you react to people." I then proceeded to talk to him about having a positive attitude. Through all this my sweet boy sat there, rolled his eyes and slouched. I then looked at him and said, "You now have a choice hon. You can hold on to this angry attitude and bring it to school with you. The only thing that this is going to accomplish for you is causing you more problems at school. You have the choice right this second to let it go and say to yourself, 'I am going to have a GREAT day!' and then make it one." I told him to say it. He looked at me and I insisted. Say it! "I AM GOING TO HAVE A GREAT DAY!" He mumbled it. I then took his hand and held it high like we were winners and I hollered those words. He laughed a little, so I did it again and again until we were both hollering "WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT DAY!" By the time I dropped him off at the school, he was smiling and told me one last time as he got out of the car that he was going to have a great day. And you know what. He did!
I then got to work and was smiling as well and walked in and cheerfully said good morning to my office staff. One of them, my cynical one, made a bit of a scornful comment about how happy I was. I looked at her and smiled. I simply told her that we as individuals had a choice each day. We could choose to be negative, cynical and infect those around us so everyone had a bad day, or we could choose to be happy and positive and in turn give that gift to those we work with. I made a conscientious effort to be happy and positive all day long and react to those who were negative with the positive attitude and I noticed a difference in those around me.
The moral is that as individuals, we can make this choice and in doing so we can affect those we come into contact with every day.
I challenge anyone who reads this to experiment, to smile at everyone they deal with, use first names of cashiers and waitstaff, make the decision to stop and think before reacting. When you do this, take notice of how people in turn react to you. If everyone makes the decision to try, we can watch the world change baby step by baby step.
It was the usual hectic week day morning. My youngest and I were embroiled in our usual morning battle of getting him out of bed and ready for school in a timely fashion. I was allowing the argument and frustration to get the better of me as well. While screaming at him yet again to hurry up and finish getting ready, a conversation that I had recently had with a new found good friend of mine came unbidden into my mind. We had been talking about how positive attitudes are contagious, how as good citizens we need to help those around us, be involved in our community and make this a better place for our children and grandchildren. I thought of what I do for work and how I influence my employees and endeavor to create a workplace that is positive and a place that has high morale. How I preach the importance of mental health as well as the physical. All these things rushed to mind in a matter of seconds and I thought, "Why is it hard for me to have this positive attitude at home sometimes, this is where it matters most - with my own children." Now, please don't get me wrong, I am not always screaming at my children and I talk positive frequently, but I don't always stop and think about being positive in these fights with my children and deal with them appropriately.
So, as I got into the car with my youngest son I took a deep breath and looked at him as we pulled out of the drive and asked, "So, what has gotten you so worked up this morning that you decided to take your time getting ready and respond to me so negatively?" And of course, being an 11 year old boy he laid the blame upon me and his older brother. He said that just because I overslept that I didn't need to holler at him about how late we were and then that his older brother had done this or that. Now, mind you I had to stop and take a deep calming breath at this disrespectful comment. I then replied to my sweet angel of a son and asked him, how me oversleeping accounted for him not getting out of bed when told to? That why did he feel he could lay there for 20 more minutes causing me to holler? I then took another breath and said , "Look hon, I could have handled the situation better, yes, but you need to realize something here and now. You cannot control how your brother, me your dad, your teacher or any other people talk to you or treat you, the only thing you can control Nicholas, is yourself. You control your attitude, you control how you treat people and how you react to people." I then proceeded to talk to him about having a positive attitude. Through all this my sweet boy sat there, rolled his eyes and slouched. I then looked at him and said, "You now have a choice hon. You can hold on to this angry attitude and bring it to school with you. The only thing that this is going to accomplish for you is causing you more problems at school. You have the choice right this second to let it go and say to yourself, 'I am going to have a GREAT day!' and then make it one." I told him to say it. He looked at me and I insisted. Say it! "I AM GOING TO HAVE A GREAT DAY!" He mumbled it. I then took his hand and held it high like we were winners and I hollered those words. He laughed a little, so I did it again and again until we were both hollering "WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT DAY!" By the time I dropped him off at the school, he was smiling and told me one last time as he got out of the car that he was going to have a great day. And you know what. He did!
I then got to work and was smiling as well and walked in and cheerfully said good morning to my office staff. One of them, my cynical one, made a bit of a scornful comment about how happy I was. I looked at her and smiled. I simply told her that we as individuals had a choice each day. We could choose to be negative, cynical and infect those around us so everyone had a bad day, or we could choose to be happy and positive and in turn give that gift to those we work with. I made a conscientious effort to be happy and positive all day long and react to those who were negative with the positive attitude and I noticed a difference in those around me.
The moral is that as individuals, we can make this choice and in doing so we can affect those we come into contact with every day.
I challenge anyone who reads this to experiment, to smile at everyone they deal with, use first names of cashiers and waitstaff, make the decision to stop and think before reacting. When you do this, take notice of how people in turn react to you. If everyone makes the decision to try, we can watch the world change baby step by baby step.
You couldn't have said it any better! I am with you all the way. I too look at life in the the same way. I too can get cranky with my kiddos from time to time. It is not so much about what they do or didn't do it is how you respond. Great post! :) Glad to see your blogging, where has City girl been lately?
ReplyDeleteI am not sure! She has been sick and then her child was sick as well. I hope she will resurface again soon!
ReplyDeleteHere I am!
ReplyDeleteI recovered from my virus but my computer has not. In fact, I need to buy a new computer, ugh! (Medic is sharing his computer with me right now).
Great post...enjoyed the ending...where the eye rolling son turns into a cheerful boy with a can do attitude! It takes effort to parent differently than our parents did. But perhaps thats for another post!